Getting Suiccidal From Gambling Addiction

Lost my elder brother some while ago and my mother has been hypertensive and want the best for me as her only son. She supports my dream. I am currently serving in kano where I discover gadget are cheap here. Told my mother about the plans and she help me borrow 2m from different sources. I start the gadget business in south west but after getting shop and all the money remaining was around a million and half. Some of us are really addicted to gambling and need help. I am a gambling addict and I have self exclude on all online gambling platforms a while ago meaning I want to quit. I have been clean for a while. Saw one punter on twitter won 18m and I got greedy cause I needed extra funds for my business . I was staking high 200k , so I can also win big to cut the long story . I have lost 3million in a month. And I am totally remorseful. Would take my recovery journey serious. My problem is how can I hid it for this woman in a long while because letting her know means I want to kill her. And as long as I still lives with her she would know and I can’t lie that am traveling because I can’t leave my business. I can’t end life because she would be term a witch for losing her two sons. You can’t explain to a non gambler how you keep gambling. Addiction without help is ruining lives